Puerto Rico

My dear friend Cait Lawson and I spoke yesterday on the horrors occurring in the Caribbean at this moment.

While I am sitting safely in the comfort of a coffee shop there are people looting stores, searching for water, fleeing their homes, locating loved ones and sifting through wreckage that was once paradise.

I am comforted to report that Cait is safe, tucked away on another island 10,000 miles from Puerto Rico. However, while she is safe – her home, her fur babies, and her friends are not.

She has no clue as to the condition of her home and has no way to access this information because 95% of cell towers across PR are currently down.

Hurricane Maria came fast and it hit hard.

Photo courtesy of Accuweather

It wiped out cell towers, destroyed buildings, killed THIRTEEN people, and has left PR remnant of your worst apocalyptic nightmare.

Roads are completely washed away and flooded. Power is non existent on this island and only a mere 25% have water service.

“Maria is the second Category 5 hurricane of the 2017 Atlantic Season, which makes this is the first season with two or more Category 5 hurricanes since 2007.” (Chaffin Mitchell, AccuWeather)

Photo courtesy of the Washington Post

WHAT THE FUCK.

We have 3.5 million U.S Citizens living on this island completely dependent on air and boat transport for goods and aid.

Maria wasn’t a one and done.

With overflowing shelters across the island and a new imminent dam threat caused by damage from Maria’s floodwaters putting 70,000 people at risk – We NEED to take action.

Our people are suffering and WE CAN HELP.

Photo courtesy of Accuweather

Please head over to www.sunburntandsalty.com to read up on the 5 ways you can best help our fellow Americans in this time of crisis.

Cait has put together a list of organizations, including a grassroots relief effort where her dear friend Megan Williams is currently hard at work on the ground helping provide aid to the communities across PR.

As pictured below, donations will be used to buy water, non-perishable food, medical supplies, baby supplies, food for animals, etc.

Photo courtesy of Megan Williams – Hurricane Irma Relief for neighboring islands

You can donate directly to Megan VIA PAYPAL to meganiiirene@yahoo.com

NO DONATION IS TOO SMALL.

Every little bit helps right now. If you cannot afford to donate money then please donate your time.

Take a moment today to share links to organizations like WAVES FOR WATER that are working hard to provide aid to those in need.

The time is now.

And our people need us.

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What to do when you feel out of control

Sometimes I feel out of control, succumbing into an endless spiral of nothingness after each breath that flows past my lips.

 

I find that this happens when I feel like a woman without a purpose.

 

How many times have you questioned your existence?

How many times have you fallen asleep, tears drenching your pillow?

How many times have you hugged that same pillow so tight your arms begin to fatigue as your heart slows from the pain?

 

 

I feel like I am this whirlwind of a circus act stuck on a merry go round, pleading and praying to the the gods for a safe exit.

 

When I feel stuck, I am left without passion.

All creativity, humor and joy seems to escape me.

 

I am at a lost for words when the grey consumes the sky and my body follows suit.

 

What do we do when our emotions become so oddly traumatic and too much to handle?

 

I arrive in a state of stillness.

I get confused and lay down to cry.

 

I am human.

 

I have bad days, WE have bad days.

This evening I heard something that has aided in parting the skies.

 

The sky is always blue, right?

 

When the clouds come they are grey, they cover the sky but the sky is still inherently blue

 

The clouds are our emotions, temporary.

 

Who we really are, how we really feel… is the sky

 

I interpreted this as the sky is our soul, it is the same no matter the condition of the weather within.

Do we wait out the storm?

Do we play in the rain?

Or do we hide?

Is there another option?

Sure!

 

We as the sky choose how to react to the storm.

No matter what, it is our choice.

That is how we take control.

In the grand scheme of things our control is yes, very limited.

However, this does not mean that we can’t take control over our behavior and the way we act towards external influences in our day to day lives.

Do we get swept up?

Or do we root down.

At one point I felt as if everything was a split second away from ending with each passing hour that I remained alive.

No matter what I did I couldn’t escape it.

I exhausted all options that I could think of at the time but my thinking was too narrow.

I played victim and either hid away in the dark or let the storm take me under until I myself became a hurricane for those around me.

 

Playing victim is fucking exhausting.

 

It is not the role for us to play.

We are not victims.

We have persevered, we have survived.

 

Though you may feel out of control or like your world is in a giant ball of chaos…it’s not.

The world will not end over you being late to your morning meeting.

It will not end if you missed a call and have yet to return it.

It will not end if you still are unemployed.

It will not end if you are dead broke, struggling to stay afloat.

It will not end if you’ve lost a loved one.

It will not end even if you feel like it.

 

The earth has survived worse.

You will go through worse.

 

This is life.

 

We were born into a world where struggle is present, for ALL humans and animals alike.

We have the choice.

 

Choose to live.

Choose to see the blue through the grey.

Choose to speak and say what you want to say.

Choose to dream.

Choose to follow your curiosity to the depths of this earth and dive into the pool of passion.

 

Be who you truly ARE.

Choose to see the corny light that we are all told is waiting for us at the end of that dark tunnel.

Because, NEWS FLASH…it is.

Don’t lose hope just yet.

 

Make the choice.

Take control.

See the world through a different set of eyes.

Take on what you can, little by little.

The rest will come.

 

Life has a funny way of working itself out that way.

xo

 

(Inspiration and quote from Netflix original show, Orange is the new black.)

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Coconut Consistencies

 


That first sip of coffee brings sensational joy to the body.
Her tongue caresses the coconut milk layering her mouth
and she feels revived.
Maybe it is the caffeine dosage that jolts the bones.
Or perhaps it’s so enjoyable because of its consistent ability to bring warmth in the morning…
Never failing to bring sweetness to her life when things seem a bit bitter.
“Hmm” she sighs as she sinks back into the cushion
I mean how many times must a woman wake up to tear soaked pillows with mirrors highlighting the dark circles under her heavy eyes?
Her messiness has left me many a time broken hearted.
Clothes scattering the room emulating her mind’s chaos…
When will it leave?
I guess she’ll just have to wait and see.
Maybe the girl is me
and maybe she can become free.
The notion is truly lovely.
But not as attainable as the coffee.

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The Romantic

WATERFALL, TEEKI, GYPSEAYOGI, SHANNEN MAHER, BALI, INDONESIA

WATERFALL, TEEKI, GYPSEAYOGI, SHANNEN MAHER, BALI, INDONESIA

I am a romantic, down to every single cell that makes me… well, me.

I’ll stare at the ocean until I see the glitter in every atom, every particle and I’ll watch it gleam.

Hope • Faith • Surrender

I will stare for hours until I see the beauty, the delicious vortex of a parallel universe that beckons me to jump head first.

I am the furthest thing from a realist.

I’ll dream until the clouds speak back to me, the stars whisper my name and a sweet song flows into my ears.

The lullaby of possibility swoons my open heart into a fantasy that yearns to be my reality.

I write my feelings and refuse to correct my grammar, unapologetically.

I don’t care what people think of my process, all I care is that I believe in me and my magic to make things be how I wish them to.

Someone says no, and I paint the picture of how it could be so.


The drumming within my soul hasn’t wavered yet, and as I’m continually tempted to give in to the box I can’t make myself fit the mold even if I tried.

My soul doesn’t want to die in that square frame.

My soul wants to flourish in shapes that have yet to be seen or discovered with colors so wild that they might blind the senses.

Though my decisions are what appear to be rash, they are a chaotic entanglement of vines that continue to reach for the sun – never staggering or losing hope in the storm.

I believe in the rain, and I find comfort in the wind as it directs me in ways I could never have thought possible before.

Because I stay open & I keep my heart on my sleeve –

continuing to believe.

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Fairytales

There was a time when I thought I wasn’t so deserving of a love that appeared to be so true in fairytales.

Growing up I believed, and to this day I still do.

Fairytales do exist and we deserve them.

What do I mean by fairytale? Well…yes, Cinderella and the midnight hour.

The missing shoe. The prince so dedicated and determined to find her based on solely a fucking shoe.

I want that.

I believe everyone has someone out there that fits them energetically like a glove or in Cinderella’s case, a shoe.

I don’t believe that things should go a certain way according to society and the relationship molds we grew up with.

I think it’s more natural than that. There is no pattern we should follow, or rules…

It is organic.

Relationships should flow. From the first date, you should feel something inside that makes you wonder why this person has entered your life. If that question pops up from that place deep down within us called the gut, then you need to listen.

Pay close attention to your feelings, and honor them.

But please, don’t get attached to the feeling. I did that and it messed me up for a week or two.

Everything will come in time. It is important to recognize that for any outcome either way, you will still be happy.

Whether he/she calls you back or he/she doesn’t, the bottom line is that you are happy either way.

It is simply not worth it to over analyze our relationships with other humans.

Again, it should be organic.

You are whole right now.

And if he/she comes into your life and you want to give parts of you away then do it.

Be reckless in love. This is how we learn, how we grow and transform.

But you need to keep some lovin’ for yourself.

My friend Nani always says “give away love but keep at least 20% if not more for yourself.”

Do not give your entire self away because at the end of the day if he/she leaves…there will be no you because you’ve lost yourself in that other person.

I have always wanted to give my entire self away because I am reckless, I am giving and I am willing to sacrifice it all in the name of love.

I used to think love was dark, love was dangerous…

but it’s not.

Love is light, love is everything pure and beautiful in this life.

When everything else has gone to shit we still have love.

The word ‘Love’ gets tossed around every day, but do we really mean it when we say “love”?

I was in an on and off relationship for about five years.

Five years of my life spent on an emotional roller coaster with someone who I thought I loved.

I am realizing now that I never was in love with him.

I wanted to, but I wasn’t in love.

Parts of me did love him, but other parts did not.

What I felt was the need for attention, for someone to look at me and be in love with me.

I was angry and just wanted to feel like someone would be there with me through all the shit I was going through day to day.

We were both emotionally so fucked up that it created a toxic relationship that lasted 5 long years.

Both of us threatening the other to kill ourselves because life wasn’t worth it without the other..

That was abusive behavior on both of our parts.

And when it was our off period, I was so depressed at the thought of losing the only person who I thought could ever love me I tried to off myself.

And I almost succeeded.

The most selfish thing in the entire world to do.

How could I live though without having love?

That is fucked up.

I was fucked up.

And our energies combusted when I saw the hard truth years later.

I saw my own truth and I saw his.

I recognized that we could not be together.

I was not in love, and neither was he.

People shouldn’t stay in relationships because it’s “been so long” or for the naive notion that time has been wasted if they just walk away.

No, that’s bullshit.

You learn and you grow and in order to do this, sometimes you must walk away.

Time and time again we buy into this falsehood of relationships and how things should be.

We allow the life plans that have been programmed into our brains to pull one over on our hearts.

There is no way it should be.

It just is.

Things happen.

People change.

The point is this: Fairytales do exist when we are ready for them.

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A morning with my dog and God

Yesterday morning started like any other – me embodying a zombie as I made my way to the french press downstairs.

I let the dog out, threw a jumper on and then took my dog over to the park across the street.

 

It wasn’t as cold as it usually is in the mornings here in WA. I looked up to the sky to check the weather and it was rather remarkable.

 

I couldn’t stop staring. I gazed to my right and it was stormy, the clouds were giant & dark grey but as I looked to the left the clouds were lighter in shade, there was a bright blue light behind them and the further left I looked the brighter and more sunny it appeared.

 

For a moment my breath escaped me.

 

As I took a deep sip of air my heart fluttered and I felt an overwhelming sensation wash over my body.

 

I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but it was something special.

I was in the in between – whatever that is.

I was the eye.

Two complete polar opposites surrounded me and I was gifted with a few soft moments of contemplation.

I was almost in a daze when my dog came running up, full force and started licking my legs.

I found myself smiling at him as he gallivanted towards the trees once more.

The wind began to pick up and I could smell the trees, pine engulfed my nose and I began to run with my dog across the wet grass until I couldn’t run any longer.

Laughter escaped my mouth and when the storm made its way across the sky, Cooper and I began our walk back to the house.

As I poured my coffee I relished in its intoxicating aroma, a full body with delicate notes of chocolate – perfection.

I grabbed my cup and curled up on the couch next to the window and watched the rain pouring from the sky.

I began to wonder about my experience outside and how I managed to find myself in the delicate quiet before the storm.

My thought train kept chugging along and before I knew it my mind had woven into a web of complete contemplation of myself and of God, of the Universe, of the leaves, the trees, the water, the weather, and the air we breathe…

It wouldn’t stop.

So I took a sip from my cup, crossed my legs and leaned back into the pillow.

Closing my eyes I could hear the rain dancing against the window pane.

The more I tuned into this sound the more the web would wash away until it all slowly faded into a blur.
Cooper crawled up by me and I felt full.

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Awoke with fire

Sunset silhouette photo gypseayogi Shannen Maher Glide Lotus Sup Board

I woke up this morning with a smile

I could feel the warmth of the golden beams dressing my body and reflecting across the sea

I could feel my heart beating wild, ready to embrace life

I am right here, present and full

I steal a glance at the mirror below me

“Wow, I am beautiful…this is beautiful”

And there it was

It was as if the sun began to enter my heart because I could feel something ignite within

And flames engulfed my body

I am alive.

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Body Shaming in a Yoga Wear Store…

The other week I walked into the lululemon store at South Coast Plaza in Orange County to exchange a pair of pants I bought a few months back. The piling was out of control and for $98 plus tax for a pair of pants on a yoga instructors budget it is VERY important that the pants I invest in last a long time!

I have owned a few lululemon pants over the years. I have ran in my wunder unders for months straight, no piling. I have owned their shorts, their bras, and various other pants that have never gone bad on me ever!

I felt that maybe the pair I had just was a one time fluke because truly I am pleased with all of the other products of theirs that are currently in my closet.

I went in with a smile and explained my situation and asked if they could help switch them out for me and I was greeted immediately was these comments:

“This is normal wear and tear.”

“Are you sure you have the right size? This is clearly due to friction on the legs.”

“I think you need to try on a bigger size.”

First off as someone with a history of body image issues and depression I was completely taken aback by these comments and the repetitiveness of them.

The man continued to try and convince me that there was no issue with my pants, the issue laid within my choice to purchase a size too small for me. It took everything I had in me to not cry. The tears were coming, I could feel a puddle beginning to form in my eyes and I had to keep blinking to get it to stop.

I am 5’7, go to the gym 3 times a week,yoga at least 4 times a week and I teach on top of all of that. I am on my feet all day everyday hustling out here in Orange County to not only survive but also thrive. I live a very active lifestyle and am not some couch potato, that just sits around whining about why I am not a size small.

Even if I chose to ration celery sticks as meals all day long I know I will NEVER be a size small, my bone structure will just never allow for that. I have wide hips, my body is perfect for bearing children with ease and I have accepted the fact that I am and will be for the rest of my life a solid size Medium. This is fine with me because I have the body I was born with and at the end of the day you just work with what you got.

With all that being said, why was I letting this man get to me so much? I couldn’t help it. I wanted to run out of the store immediately and hide under my covers and never come out because my worst fears were true, I am fat, hideous and belong no where near an active wear line like lululemon.

This is the furthest thing from the truth, I am aware of this but when you are being antagonized and reassured you have no idea what size you are by someone in a sales position at a clothing store you begin to second guess yourself.

It wasn’t just that the man named Jake made the comment once, it was repeated over and over again until he thoroughly brainwashed me into trying on the bigger size.

I explained to him that there was no piling on pants that are the same size wunder under that I have owned for five years and he told me “Well you probably just can’t see the piling on your darker pants, it’s there.”

So what, I’m blind and fat now too?

Jesus, the hole he was digging in my heart was just getting deeper and deeper it wouldn’t stop.

I was embarrassed, ashamed and on the defense the entire time I was in their store.

Why do I need to defend my size to an employee? Why do I need to defend my own body to a stranger who doesn’t know a thing about it? The answer is simple, I don’t.

Sheepishly I walked into the dressing room, so deep in my own head I began to feel myself slipping into the dark hole that Jake had created for me.

The woman there was very nice and after I tried both sizes on I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. Part of me was pissed and stubborn wanting to just leave the store with no pants and the other part of me wanted to stay and get the pants I deserved.

I walked out and turned to my cousin who asked me which ones felt better on me. I replied saying that the 8 felt a little bit looser than the 6 and I liked the 6 before because they stayed up and they felt fine but at this point I wasn’t sure about my body anymore and maybe they do look bad.

The lady in the dressing room could hear my sadness and asked to explain what was going on. So I told her my story and she basically saved the day by spending the time connecting with me and really I related to her so much because of her knowledge of the fabrics and her decision to offer me a different choice of fabric because the ones I had before weren’t really meant to be doing a lot of physical activity in.

HOLD UP.

You mean an activewear line sold me a pair of pants without letting me know what the usage of the pants was for?

Hmm…

Ok.

Anyways, the lady I was speaking with showed me the ones she was wearing and why she thinks they would be better for me and she even talked about how they fit on her body and how the fabric feels…etc.

I didn’t want to walk out into the store again and leave the new found comfort I had in the dressing room. My body language was so vulnerable and heavy, truly I think she could sense this. So she smiled at me and said she wanted to take me personally to look at the fabric she was talking about.

We chatted for a bit before she handed me off to the woman who was working the pants. She also was very nice and I was thoroughly impressed throughout the conversation with her knowledge on all the pants and fabrics. She went as far as to describe the threads to me and offered other explanations as to why my pants would pil that weren’t about me buying a size too small.

I finally was feeling a bit better.

They didn’t have the new fabric in the length and waistband that I had before so she showed me a high waisted option that she loved. She smiled and said “Size 6, right?” She pulled out the 6 and my eyes went wide because they looked so small. I started getting weird again and inside my head about everything I had went through with that guy. I looked to my cousin and said “don’t these look so small…I don’t know” The woman immediately saw the grief wash over my face and told me that it is just the fabric, they will stretch and that I shouldn’t worry. She said she was confident that these would fit me wonderfully but if I really wanted to and had the time then she can find an 8 for me to try on as well.

So of course now feeling like a whale I tried on the size 8 too.

The woman in the dressing room was happy I found a pair to try on and directed me again to a room to try on the pants.

I tried both on and felt that I wanted the 6 but I kept talking myself out because I had this man’s voice ringing in my ear and it just wouldn’t go away.

I walked out to model the pants for both my cousin and the woman attending the dressing room. They both smiled and said they looked great on! My cousin said to do a squat in them, so I did and they weren’t see through, they did not roll down on the top from belly fat, they wrapped my body perfectly and they convinced me that yes, my original thoughts were correct: I am a size 6.

I took the pants, smiled at the lady and offered my gratitude for her support and went to the front counter. I kept my head down so I wouldn’t have to run into Jake again until my cousin commented “Well I guess that guy felt bad for being a dick because he isn’t here anymore.” I lifted my head and felt a wave of calm wash over me as now I could lift my head up without being scared to be in contact with that guy again.

At the front counter there were two ladies. One was helping a customer and the other was doing something on the computer. The lady with the customer told me it would be just a minute and she asked if I was the one exchanging the pants. “I replied, yes with a smile.” (I was really just trying my hardest to look ok.)

A few seconds later her customer ran to go get something and the woman walked from behind the counter and up to me with these words “Now, no judgment here but are you absolutely sure you don’t want the bigger size?”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Yes, she had the audacity to ask me if I was sure about my size and I hadn’t even spoken to this woman before about my situation.

I was so taken aback, the floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop the tears this time.

I looked her in the eyes and whispered “Yes, I am sure and I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

She replied with an “okay” and walked back behind the counter as her customer was approaching once more.

The other lady who was at the computer said she could take me now and I walked up, put my pants on the desk without a sound. The woman who made that comment to me told the woman I was working with that I was just exchanging the pants and to put that they were piling as the excuse.

I did not say one word throughout the rest of the transaction.

The woman wrapped up with her customer and I am assuming she felt bad and knew she fucked up because then she looked at me and asked “Where do you teach?” I don’t even know how she knew I taught but I guess word travels fast around a lululemon store. I replied with “Fullerton.” as the other woman handed me a bag with my new pants in them.

I walked out of the store tears gushing from my eyes and my cousin trying to console me…

My cousin and I sat in the car before leaving the parking lot for about 10 minutes of me just crying and asking how they could make people feel so bad about themselves.

I was going to make vegan rice krispie treats with my cousin that night and after that experience I definitely was no longer in the mood for anything that could make me not fit into my new pants.

I got home and texted my friend who works for lululemon and explained what had happened. She was appalled and very upset with how everything went down. She also let me know that there have been similar complaints about the guy I had worked with at first in the store (Can we fire his ass now please?). She assured me that his behavior and the woman’s at the front counter were not in line with lululemon’s company values and she was so very sorry it happened to me.

I wonder why with a company who has such wonderful employees can also have such terrible ones as well. I guess that sentence could be applied to many companies around the world but when you are selling active wear and you sell primarily to the female population on this planet who are more likely to have body image issues why would you allow an employee to keep working for you that clearly has trouble relating to customers and in fact more often than not upsets them!

Goodness, I am still just floored by my experience.

This situation completely contributes to the horror women suffer through in regards to their bodies. How can we ever hope to feel good about ourselves and go buy clothes when we could potentially be told that we need bigger sizes over and over again so much so it’s like beating a dead fucking horse.

I say all the time to my students and to those who are nervous to try yoga that “Yoga is for everybody and every BODY.” Yoga isn’t just for the thin bodied, uber flexible woman you see on ads for every yoga clothing brand out there. Yoga isn’t just for those who can do these insane asanas and transitions. Yoga is for anyone who wants to dive deeper into themselves physically and mentally. Yoga is a journey that we choose to embark on to better ourselves. It is a journey that allows us to have a deeper connection to the outside world as we continue to dive deeper within ourselves. It is a wonderful practice for everyone.

Yoga brands need to empower woman, not tear them down.

All active wear lines in general should empower people to make healthy changes and make them feel good about the decision to do so. We can’t have these scenarios happen anymore, it’s just not right. It’s emotional sabotage and encourages self hatred when the people of this world need more self love.

The more I write, the more I am enraged.

I buy my family lululemon, I buy friends lululemon but how can I continue to support a company that clearly has employees that will never support me.

UGH.
That’s how I feel, UGH.

I don’t think I will be buying any lululemon anytime soon. Mad love to my girl who works at lululemon and mad love to the two women who actually made the effort and were super nice but good lord this wound is gaping open with no stitches in sight just yet.

I truly hope if you are reading this, you know you should never allow anyone to make you feel this way, especially someone who works at an active wear clothing store.

You are the only person who knows your body, no one else knows your body like you do.

Your body is your home, protect it, nourish it, say no thank you to the negative energy that you come across.

And despite all odds keep practicing compassion for you and never stop holding space for yourself.

You are what matters, not the asshole who works at Lululemon.

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Body Issues

Gypsea Yogi Shannen Maher Boudoir Modeling

Pretty faces & pretty places.
Societal molds destruct the fragile mind.
Perfect flesh and bones decide on the worth of a woman; her brain is last in this equation.
Her body is in the spotlight.

She lives in a world where Adderall is an effective diet and where evil girls make you sit on dryers as they tumble to see what parts of the body need work,

where pre workout and long hours at the gym will perfect you.

Where skipping a meal is okay because you can squeeze into the tight black dress that shows your perfect ass.

Where every woman is objectified.

Where every little girl gets the same lesson burned into their delicate little brains –

this deranged notion that the thinner you are the more boys will like you.

And that’s what matters most.

Her own mind taught to highlight the imperfections on her skin.

The red bumps on her face shatter the mirror when she steals a glance.

She tears through pictures, physically deleting them but keeping the image tucked away in her brain for a later beating.

The extra bit of estrogen gathered in her low belly brings her to her knees.

It shatters her confidence and torments her heart.

The thought of never knowing what ‘skinny’ feels like pollutes her mentally.

She is sick in many ways.

Her mind is plagued with darkness, devaluing her own self-worth.

Sick of all this noise she runs heart pounding, tears and blood pouring from her eyes.

She storms into her dark castle slamming the doors behind her.

The demons follow closely, locking her inside.

I see her fears.

They manifest into dark smoke surrounding her as she climbs higher and higher up the stairs.

Stumbling and tripping over her bruised feet on the way up – she wants to be alone.

To sit with her demons.

The air she breathes is full of monsters that draw her further into the shadows of her mind.

Her heavy body drops to the stone cold ground, buried in the dark. Melting into a pool of self-pity; this is unfathomable to me.
So I go to her in the dark, unlocking the door.
Allowing a sliver of golden light to enter the room I see her eyes.

I sit with her.
I do not take away her pain; I let her feel it fully.

I whisper in her ear a love song, and hold her hand for a brief moment.

But I cannot stay.
I must leave her with everything she came with.
She must do the work.

She must gain the strength to see her true form.

This castle will hold strong and the demons will not leave her if she does not want them to.

She must take control.

I wait in the tree line.

I stand far from the castle watching quietly.
Patience is a virtue on the journey to self-discovery.
There is movement in the tower.
The ground beneath my feet begins to rumble – something has shifted in the air. Smoke leaking from the walls as flames engulf the castle.
I can taste the salt dripping from my eyes, worried for the woman inside.
A thunderous boom begins to ring in my ears as the doors of this dungeon burst open, breaking into pieces – midair.
I watch as she burns her demons to ashes filling the sky with dark smoke. Allowing the wind to carry it all away she walks to me across the tall grass -fire in her eyes.

I watch the castle crumble to the earth behind her.
With a gentle smile she takes my hands in hers and once again I am whole.

 

 

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Day Dreams

Gypsea Yogi Shannen Maher Beach Walk Day Dreams

I keep finding myself disconnected from my body

I notice that I will jolt back to reality and begin harshly telling myself exactly what actions my body is performing & why

“I am wiping this table with a wet cloth”

This is what I kept telling myself this morning as I would drift off

I was putting the order away at work and singing Amy Winehouse when I was transported into a different dimension

I portal weaved myself into a different reality

But truly what it felt like was a premonition

There I was, the sun had set but maybe 20 minutes before I arrived in this place

It seems as if physically I had been present and playing a role here for a while now

Most faces familiar, and all friendly as I gazed around the charismatic & crowded open air outdoor beach front bar/restaurant

The lights were beautifully strung around the ceilings and palm trees surrounding the exterior

I was wearing and old dark green tank top and ripped jean shorts

My skin was warm and sticky from humidity

My hair darker than I remembered and curly, tied half way up in a bun with the turquoise hair stick my aunt got me ages ago

My body seemed lighter, I felt different in this world

I began to take a scan over my features from the ground up

Have I lost weight?

I walked to a mirror attached to a wooden pillar in front of me, it was lined with mosaic tiles and the wood was painted bright blue and green

I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw me, but was it me?

I had the same bone structure but my eyes were brighter, my face was clear and my skin tan from what seemed like months in the sun.

Where is this world and why is it so familiar to me but so foreign all at once…

A woman waved to me at a table to my right

Her name is Shelly, she is 48 and fucking awesome

How do I know this?

I don’t know, this version of me does however know her and has for months.

Shelly is a regular here and a divine woman who reads my palms and laughs at the drunken old men with me

She is sincere in every expression and I adore her

She flagged me down for another round of tequila shots with her friends visiting from Ecuador

She said “Shannen darling why must you spend time gazing in the mirror? Let us have another round, yes?”

I felt a cooling sensation wash over my body, quickly I ran to the bar.

I am having an out of body experience.

How do I know where everything is and what to do?

I came back with 4 shots and Shelly gave me a funny look and pursed her lips

“Why only 4?”

I smiled and said “Shell, i’m on shift!”

Thinking in my head “Wait – did that just come out of my mouth?”

She rolled her eyes at me and said “This is Bali babe, have a round with us!”

I sat down & had Kieran bring us some limes and another shot for me

I smiled when Kieran my “boss” bought back two more shots

“One for me, and one for you dear”

Laughter ensued as we threw our heads back filling our bodies with delicious sin

“I cannot sit for long Shell, I hav…”

Shelly squeezed my hand and then turned to Kieran “Why must you keep such a sweet thing hostage for hours from me?”

Before Kieran could answer Shelly kissed my hands and gave me a tight squeeze sending me on my way to the other tables who were probably wondering where I wandered off to.

As I walked away from the table Shelly yelled after me “Come for brekkie tomorrow doll! We will be waiting on the back patio for you – I have a surprise!”

“I’ll bike over around 9:30 Shell!”

I turned to keep walking and a small sealed smile spread across my face as I heard her say to Kieran “Another round Kieran! Another round!”

This place is wild to me, I have but haven’t been here before but I was drawn to this exact moment in time.

How can it be?

It looks like I’ve been living here all along…

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